Most of us have something we’d like to change in our past. Many of us have been through trauma. Many of us think we are broken or damaged because of that trauma. Many of us believe the things that have happened in our past define who we are and we don’t believe there is anything that can be done about it.
After my divorce I was diagnosed by Betrayal Trauma which is defined as: trauma perpetuated by someone with whom the victim is close to and reliant upon for support and survival. I tell you this only so you know where I came from. While I may not understand exactly what you’ve been through, I do understand trauma. I understand pain. I understand betrayal. I understand rejection. I understand abuse.
Those things are no longer part of my story.
Where does the past exist? What exactly is the past? The past only exists in your thoughts and is simply a story about your past. You cannot actually change the events in the past, but you can absolutely change the story you’re telling about it. And I’m telling you from personal experience, it makes all the difference in the world.
You do not feel pain because of the things that have happened in your past. There is no “old pain.” There are no “old wounds.” There is only your thoughts about it now. You’re not experiencing pain from your past. What happened to you in the past is over. Your current pain is caused by your current thoughts. And my friend, those are completely optional.
How do you tell the story of your past? Most of the stories I hear include victims and villains, anger and resentment, self-loathing and shame. It’s no wonder we’re all in pain. But you get to decide how you want to tell your story. Your past is over. It has no power over you. You can let it go and move on. Pick what you want to take with you and leave the rest behind.
Here is the story I tell about my past today:
Everything happened exactly as it was supposed to happen. I did my best. And so did my ex-husband. His best was awful, but it was still his best. Sometimes my best is awful too, so I totally get it. He didn’t know how to love me. And that’s ok. I didn’t know all the things I know now either. We both just did our best and our best wasn’t enough to keep our marriage together. Our marriage is now complete. My beautiful kids, who I love more than anything in this world, came out of that marriage. Because of my experiences, I became the woman I am today. A woman who is confident and strong. A woman with unshakable faith in God. A woman who can now help others on their journey. Everything happened exactly as it was supposed to happen.
If the story you’re telling yourself about your past is causing you pain, you can totally change it if you want to. I wanted to feel compassion and peace. I changed my story. Now I feel compassion and peace. I don’t argue with the past. I don’t harbor anger, resentment, or regret. I feel exactly the way I want to because of the story I’ve decided to tell.
I’ve changed my past.
What do you want? How do you want to feel? What story do you want to tell?
Did you know that 70% of blended-family marriages end in divorce?
Do you want to be in the 30%?
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