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Give Yourself the Freedom to Have What You Want

I’m sitting on the beach with my husband, who is playing on his phone. Of course he is, that’s what he’s always doing. Sometimes I call his phone his mistress. She gets much more attention than I do. Sometimes I think of his phone as heroine – it has him in its grip and at this point, he’s so addicted there is nothing to be done about it.

I walk down to the water and wade half way up to my knees. We’re spending the week at the beach, just the two of us. It’s supposed to be romantic. There is supposed to be connection. There is supposed to be quality conversation. We’re supposed to be enjoying each other. We’re supposed to come home closer than when we left.

Instead, it’s me by myself plus him and his mistress.

I look back up to our chairs. He’s still totally engrossed in his phone. He probably didn’t even notice I got up. He probably wouldn’t notice if I disappeared. Maybe I should. I start walking up the beach.

I spend the next couple hours thinking about everything I don’t want – which just so happens to be everything we currently have. By the time I get back to our chairs our marriage is in the tank and probably isn’t worth saving. I will never have what I want.

This is the point at which I single-handedly ruined our trip.

What I wanted, in my heart of hearts, was to be chosen. And as someone who was repeatedly cheated on in my first marriage, that makes a lot of sense. But when I focused on what I didn’t want, I showed up like someone any sane person would have a hard time choosing to be with, much less enjoy showering with love and affection.

By focusing on what I didn’t want, I brought more of it to me.

It wasn’t my finest moment. And it showed me where I still had some healing to do from my past trauma. But aside from that – it just wasn’t helpful. Focusing on what you don’t want isn’t helpful and mostly leads to the land of misery.

If I had done then what I often do now, I would have immediately pivoted over to focusing on what I want, and it would have gone something like this:

The Pivot

I’m sitting on the beach with my husband, who is playing on his phone. Of course he is, that’s what he’s always doing. Hey brain, that’s not super helpful. What specifically do we want here? We want to connect with our husband. Ok, what do we want that to look like right now? Maybe a walk down the beach, holding hands and talking? Great, let’s see if he’s willing to do that. Hey babe, I’d love to walk down the beach. Would you please come with me?

98% of the time, when I make a request to my husband, even when he’s playing on his phone, his response is “Sure.” When I train my brain to focus on what I want, I pretty much always get it. When I’m focused on what I don’t want, I pretty much always get more of that.

Lessons from Abraham Hicks

“A powerful way of governing your vibration is simply to make a decision about the way you want to feel, and then guide your thoughts in that direction.” – Abraham Hicks

Have you ever caught yourself feeling frustrated or worried and realized that your thoughts were consumed by the very thing you didn’t want? It’s so easy for the human mind to become fixated on problems, fears, and lack. But what if there was a better way?

According to Abraham Hicks and the teachings of law of attraction, the focus of your thoughts quite literally shapes your reality. When your dominant thoughts dwell on what you don’t want, you attract more of that into your experience. But when you train your mind to focus on what you do want, you begin powerfully magnetizing those desires.

As Abraham says, “No one forces you to make lists of things you don’t want, but the Universe does not distinguish between the lists you make. It simply gives you a vibrational equivalent.”

Complaining about the heavy traffic you don’t want? You’re creating more of that through your attention. Worrying about a lack of money? You keep yourself in that reality.

On the other hand: “When you focus on lack, you attract lack. When you focus on abundance, you attract abundance.”

By consciously shifting your mind to what you do want, you eliminate resistance and begin manifesting your deepest desires.

The wonderful thing about the law of attraction is that the Universe is fundamentally biased toward your benefit. It always says “yes” to you – it gives you the essence of what you focus on, good or bad. That means using this principle is not about struggling against some outside force but about aligning yourself with the infinite stream of abundance that is always seeking you.

“As you think thoughts that feel good to you, you will be guiding yourself to your stream of Source Energy that allows your desires to Flow To You.” – Abraham Hicks

So how can you stop “misusing” the law of attraction by focusing your thoughts on what you don’t want? How can you master focusing on what you do want instead?

How to Pivot

1. Become aware of negative thought patterns. Notice when you find yourself complaining, worrying, or focusing mental energy on problems and lack. Don’t judge yourself, just get in the habit of catching those thoughts.

2. Pivot and uplift. The moment you notice a negativity spiral beginning, make the conscious choice to shift your thinking in a more positive direction. Find something to appreciate or imagine your desired reality as you want it to be.

3. Lean into desires, not problems. When facing a difficult situation, resist the temptation to dwell on what’s going wrong. Instead, focus on vividly clarifying what you do want the situation to look like. Get into the feeling of the solution.

4. Make “pivoting” a habit. Every time your thoughts derail into negativity, see it as an opportunity to flex your “focusing” muscles by deliberately changing the subject in your mind. The more you practice, the easier it gets.

5. Use appreciation as a shortcut. One of the fastest ways to uplift your vibration is to go on an “appreciation rampage” by looking for aspects of your life and experience to feel grateful for. This levels you up rapidly.

6. Take responsibility. As tempting as it may be to blame circumstances or other people for your negative thoughts, ultimately you are responsible for your inner state. Don’t be a victim of unhappiness.

7. Keep it general. Don’t get too bogged down in the specifics of precise manifestations. Stay focused on the feeling of what you do want, whether it’s abundance, harmonious relationships, health, success, etc. Align with the essence.

8. Monitor your emotions. Your emotions will tell you whether your vibration is attracting or rejecting what you desire. Positive expectation, joy, appreciation, and love mean you’re on the right track. Anger, worry, hopelessness mean you are pushing away your desires. Adjust accordingly.

It takes practice, but with dedication, you can retrain your mind to more naturally rest on the frequency of your dreams rather than your fears. When you make this shift, life takes on a kind of magic.

“The better you feel, the more you are perceiving from your center, your core – from Source. And, the more you are perceiving life from that Broader Perspective, the more your point of attraction impacts a Vibration that allows wonderful things to flow into your experience.” – Abraham

Questions to Ask Yourself

  1. What do I want?
  2. What might that look like in this moment?
  3. How might I create it?


Every moment becomes an opportunity to choose your vibration and point of attraction. Do you want to focus on what’s going well? On possibilities? On appreciation for this human life and all its gifts? Or on worrying about lack and calling forth more of the same?

The choice is yours. But if you make the self-loving choice to train your mind on your desires more than your fears, you open the floodgates to receiving more of what you truly want. By mastering the art of focus, you step into alignment with the ever-flowing stream of abundance, joy, and well-being that Source is constantly offering you. The freedom comes in remembering that you get to decide what you give your precious attention to.

Live Free. Love Life.

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