We all want things. We think we want the thing. But what we really want is how we think we will feel when we have the thing.

You think you want to be thin, but what you really want is how you think you’ll feel when you’re thin.

You think you want to be successful, but what you really want is how you think you’ll feel when you’re successful.

You think you want to be in a relationship, but what you really want is how you think you’ll feel when you’re in a relationship.

You think you want your spouse to be more romantic, but you what you really want is how you think you’ll feel if your spouse is more romantic.

You think you want your kids to obey, but what you really want is how you think you’ll feel if your kids obey.

Are you getting me? Think about something you want. Now ask yourself why you want it. If the answer doesn’t include how you feel, ask yourself why again, as many times as it takes to uncover the feeling.

For example: why do you want to lose weight? So I can look good in my clothes. Why do you want to look good in your clothes? So I will feel attractive.

Turns out what I want is not to lose weight; What I want is to feel attractive.

Once you figure out what you really want, you can start making some serious headway in accomplishing your goals and creating the life you want.

The first thing you have to know: you can feel that way right now. All your emotions are generated by your thoughts. And you get to believe anything you want. You can feel attractive without losing weight. You can feel loved without being in a relationship. You can feel like a good mom without your kids obeying. You don’t need the thing to feel the way you want to feel, you just need a thought that will create that emotion.

Furthermore, in order to create the result you’re looking for and get the thing you think you want, the best way to do that is by first creating the emotion you think you’ll feel once you get it.

Step 1: Think about the thing you want
Step 2: Think about how you’ll feel when you get it
Step 3: Generate that emotion on purpose
Step 4: Now go after the thing you want

If you want to lose weight because you think you’ll feel attractive once you do, you need to first feel attractive and use that emotion to fuel the actions that will help you lose weight. When you feel attractive, and you love your body, you will approach losing weight from an entirely different place than if you feel fat and ugly and hate your body. And that’s when you’ll actually be able to lose weight.

If you want to be in a relationship because you want to feel loved, you need to first feel loved and use that emotion to fuel the actions that will you help you find a relationship. If you go out into the dating world, and you love yourself unconditionally, you’re going to show up completely differently than if you don’t think you’re good enough. And that’s when you’ll find the perfect relationship.

The emotion you think you’ll feel when you get the thing, is the emotion you need to use to fuel your actions to get you there.

Give yourself permission to believe whatever you need to believe to generate that feeling. Give yourself permission to believe you are amazing exactly as you are. Give yourself permission to love your body. Give yourself permission to believe you’re the perfect mom for your kids.

If you’re not ready to do that, I’ve got you. I give you permission to believe all of it. Now generate that emotion and go get that thing you want.